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guys I'm not okay

im not like 100% sure why im writing this but basically im really really not fine and um there was some very minor drama on the wiki tonight and my asshat of a mother came into my room at a very inconvenient time (since i was already agitated about what was happening on the wiki) and i dont wanna get caught up in all that shitass drama stuff but basically i had a full blown panic attack after that and said some things i wouldnt normally say and regretted them minutes after and like i just wanna tell you guys that these things can happen and i can lash out at you but its not your fault, im just really, really not okay.
like a month ago i made a blog post about how i was feeling better due to antidepressants but im spiralling out again and i just have so much shit going on in my life and i would definitely leave the wiki if i could, but i've tried and i just miss it too much, but honestly, if you guys dont want to put up with my shit i fully understand that and like i wont pressure u to handle me at my worst (we're not married ffs) but i just feel like i need to warn u that, if u wanna be friends with me still and hang out and stuff, i will not be the same person that you know, im a fuck up and im feeling bad and panic attacks come often for me and im depressed and bipolar and highly suicidal ngl (i feel like most everyone knows this now so i dont feel uncomfortable bringing it up) and this is just a warning i guess.
i really love all of you so much and thats why im giving you an opportunity to back away from me if you want to, cuz i definitely dont want you guys having to put up with someone who causes you emotional pain or strain, and i could really do that.
this was very long and im so tired so i hope it made sense but yeah basically idk why i wrote it and im gonna go now
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