In the countryside of Northern England a plain bus with a single dark red stripe is seen driving along a dirt road.
Nasia: Wow, there's barely anything here.
Tom: I know, right.
Nasia smiles a little.
Nasia DR: I've decided I'm not going to tell people that I'm a stripper cause I don't think they'd take me seriously for who I am. I graduated from Harvard University last year with a major in finance, I'm just waiting for a job!
A bus with a single purple stripe is now seen driving behind the red-striped bus.
Tiffany DR: I'm Tiffany, 26 years old, a nurse from Cleveland. I'm definitely looking forward to this competition and who knows, I've always been one for showmances.
Andrew: I'm Andrew, you?
Andrew DR: Yeah, Tiffany's pretty cute, but I'm not here for a relationship, I'm here to win the big bucks.
The two buses pull up in front of a large Victorian mansion.
Shan: This place is beautiful.
Shan DR: Hello everyone, I'm Shannon, a.k.a. Shan and I'm a chef originally from Chelsea, England but I now live in New York City. I'm currently the head chef at a pretty prestigious and fancy restaurant in NYC, but I don't think I'm gonna tell people that, I still want the money!
One by one, the two buses empty and the twelve contestants begin the get to know each other in the front garden of the mansion.
Kristen walks out from the main entrance of the mansion.
Kristen: Hey, you guys! What are you doing having fun and stuffing your faces with this fancy ass British food minutes before your first challenge?
Nadia DR: What the f**k?
Kristen: Yep, you heard right, you're first challenge starts in just a few minutes, but before that, I think I'll explain this game for you all. So I see you guys already split yourself into two teams. Kudos. So, lemme think of some fierce names for you...hmmm. You guys.
Kristen gestures to the team from the red-striped bus.
Kristen: You're the Rogues.
Kristen toses a small burlap sack tied at the top with a rope to Tyler.
Kristen: And the other group, you're the Vigilantes.
Kirsten throws an identical sack to Joey.
Kristen: Inside of those bags are you're Amulets of Life, cool name right? You must wear your amulet at ABSOLUTELY ALL TIMES.
Kristen: Excuse me Miss Exotic Dancer...?
Everyone gasps besides Nasia.
Nasia DR: There goes my plan, thanks Kristen.
Kristen: As I was saying, you must wear them at all times because, these amulets represent your life in the game. Once the light in the center goes out, so are you. So, I'd put these on now if I were you.
Joey opens the Vigilantes' sack to find small necklaces with a wooden piece and a small amethyst light in the center. They all put them on. Tyler also opens the Rogues' sack and finds identical necklaces with a ruby light in the center.
Kristen: Now that you got your amulets on I think we're ready to enter the house. Let's go children.
The thirteen of them into the house only to find creepy dark hallways with cold wooden floors and walls with wood panels and creepy portraits. They all enter what looks to be a large dining hall with one big table in the center with twelve chairs, six on each side.
Kristen: Have a seat, dinner's about to be served...
The twelve contestants sit with their teams at the table.
Kristen: Welcome to our first team challenge, I like to call this one, Eat Up! So here's how it works, my sexy waiters over here will bring out a tray of something not too pleasing to the stomach, you will vote one of your teammates to eat this dish and whichever finishes first will win a point for your team. But here's the catch, each contestant may only eat once, so be careful for which one you pick. Leon, please bring out our first meal.
A buff young man with a waiter's outfit and golden blonde hair styled perfectly comes out carrying a tray on his shoulder.
Kristen: Ooh, here's a nice one, pickled salamander tails. Whichever team eats one salamander tail fastest will win a point.
Both teams discuss.
Kristen: Rogues, who's it gonna be?
Tyler raises his hand.
Tyler DR: I'm Tyler, 27 years old from Jersey. I think I got this in the bag, I have a strong stomach and this honestly sounds pretty good to me.
Kristen: Ah, Tyler's stepping up to the challenge, Vigilantes, who's it gonna be.
Tiffany raises her hand.
Tiffany DR: Three words, piece of cake.
Kristen: 3, 2, 1, eat!
Tiffany shoves the salamander tail in her mouth and bites off 1/3 of it. Tyler bites off about 1/2 of it but is gagging.
Tyler DR: Much worse than I expected...
Tiffany bites swallows and puts the rest in her mouth. She starts chewing ferociously until she swallows. Kristen checks mouth and finds everything's been swallowed.
Kristen: One point guys to the Vigilantes!
The Vigilantes celebrate.
Kristen: André, our next meal please!
A rather tan man in a waiter's outfit and dark brown spiked hair comes out carrying a tray on his shoulder.
Kristen: Here's another tasty one, centipedes! Whichever team eats 2 centipedes first wins a point. Discuss who's the lucky ones to be able to eat such an amazement.
Both teams discuss.
Kristen: Rogues, who is it?
Ellie DR: I'm Ellie and I'm 22 years old. I was originally born in Scotland but I moved out to California for college and just stayed there. I'm a novelist and have published two books in a series I created.
Kristen: Nice to see you take the challenge Ellie, Vigilantes who is it?
Rae: I think it's me Kristen.
Rae DR: Hey y'all. I'm Rae and I'm from Peachtree City, Georgia. I'm a mom of two girls and I'm really doing this for them. My husband recently lost his job and we've barely been surviving. Rae begins sobbing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just cant't do this right now...
Kristen: Ok, Rae vs Ellie, 1, 2, 3, eat!
Ellie shoves a whole centipede in her mouth and chews down hard. Rae takes a small bite of a centipede and spits it out into the bucket.
Nadia DR: Bitch, really? Shove the f**king centipede in your mouth and freakin' chew!
Ellie swallows her first centipede and Rae slowly chomps down on her first. Ellie shoves her second centipede into her mouth and chews down even harder.
Kristen: Rae, if you want to win this you better man up and shove that centipede in your mouth.
Ellie swallows her final centipede and Kristen checks her mouth.
Kristen: And the Rogues win a point!
Ellie DR: Thanks Rae, it was fun beating you.
As the rounds go on it ends up being 3-2 with the Rogues winning, the only contenders that haven't eaten are Nasia and Andrew.
Kristen: C'mon Vigilantes, if Nasia beats you this round, you lose the challenge. Leon, please bring out our final dish.
Leon comes out with a tray larger than the others on his shoulder.
Kristen: Our final meal for you guys is...
Kristen: Your final meal is...
Kristen takes the cover off of the tray and reveals dozens of black widow spiders.
Kristen: Some lovely black widow spiders for you.
Andrew DR: What the f**k, those are like the most poisonous spider in the world. This lady is crazy...
Kristen: I'm gonna take some lovely black widow spiders and put em in a blender for you, I'm gonna mix em up and boom you got a black widow milkshake. But for all you worry warts don't worry, the poison was taken out of the spiders before hand.
Nasia and Andrew step up hesitantly to the table.
Nasia DR: I know my team doesn't like me already, I need to win this.
Andrew DR: I have one of the weakest stomachs known to man, how am I gonna do this?
Kristen: 3, 2, 1, drink!
Nasia downs some of the black widow milkshake but starts gagging. Andrew stares into the shake hopefully, thinking of drinking it soon.
Kristen: C'mon guys it isn't that...
Kristen takes a whiff of the quarter full blender
Kristen: Never mind that...
Nasia begins drinking it again and is 2/3 finished when she begins gagging again. Andrew begins sipping it down until he throws up into the Puke Bucket.
Kristen: And Andrew loses it, Nasia wins a point for the Rogues and the Rogues win the challenge!
The Rogues celebrate while all the Vigilantes besides Tiffany look disappointed at Andrew.
Tiffany DR: It wasn't Andrew's fault, he just couldn't handle it. Hmmm...
Kristen: Rogues, now that you've won you must pick someone to represent you in the elimination ceremony. This representative will decide which two members from the Vigilantes will be up for elimination, however they won't be able to vote.
Shan: It should be Nasia duh!
All of the Rogues nod their heads in agreement besides Ellie, however no one notices her.
Ellie DR: I deserved it and that's that.
Kristen: Congratulations Nasia, you are the first ever, Head of the Home.
The Rogues celebrate more while the Vigilantes act all upset.
Kristen: Now you guys go get acquainted with your new home for the next few weeks, bye
Tiffany DR: Right now I think I have a good chance of going in the bottom, I performed the best out of my team and I think the Rogues took note of that. But y'know what, you never know.
Everyone runs around the house looking for a bed except Nasia.
Nasia DR: I really think I should start thinking about who I'm putting up for elimination, I honestly didn't want this power but now that I have it, oh well.
Tiffany: Hey Nasia can we talk?
Tiffany DR: Do I like the stripper girl? No, I just need to make sure I'm safe this week.
Tiffany and Nasia both walk into Nasia's Head of the House bedroom and lock the door behind them.
Tiffany: So what are you thinking exactly for nominations?
Nasia DR: Is Tiffany going up? Yes. Am I gonna tell her that? No.
Nasia: I honestly don't know, I'm really gonna have to talk to the rest of my team about that.
Tiffany: Ok, but just remember, you scratch my back, I scratch yours. I'm a woman of my word girl.
Nasia: I completely understand that, and if you do go up, it wasn't my decision I assure you.
Tiffany: Kk, well I better go pick a bed, bye bye.
Tiffany runs around searching for a bed but there isn't any left.
Tiffany DR: What the f**k? There's no more freakin' beds left. That's what I get for talking to that bitch.
Tiffany walks into Andrew's room and lays next him on his bed.
Andrew: Hey, Tiff, what's up.
Tiffany: Ugh, no more beds left, of course.
Andrew: You can crash here if you want.
Tiffany: With you?
Andrew: You can take my bed, I'll just take the couch.
Tiffany: Oh ok...
Tiffany DR: What the f**k is wrong with him? Is he gay or something?
The Rogues gather in Nasia's bedroom and discuss who to nominate.
Tom: I was definitely thinking we should put up Tiffany.
Tom DR: I'm Tom, 28 years old and I'm from Charleston, West Virginia. I like to think of myself as a ladies man, got my eye on Nasia, so all you others, back off.
John: I was thinking that too.
John DR: I'm John, I'm 18 years old and I'm currently a student at University of Wisconsin. Nasia's one pretty lady, if only my confidence was a little bit higher.
Ellie: Yeah, definitely Tiffany, so who's the other?
Shan: I really don't think Rae can handle it here, did you see her in the challenge?
Tom: But isn't that why we should keep her? She's not a threat at all.
John: Yeah, I say we throw in Nadia, she did really good in the challenge to and she's a huge bitch, I wouldn't miss her.
Shan: Easy there tiger, I don't wanna hear you talk bad about a woman ever again...got it?
John DR: She scares me.
Shan DR: Yeah, I may go total woman's libber at times, forgot to mention that.
Nasia DR: Everyone made good points, but it's ultimately my decision.
Nasia walks outside where everyone is waiting.
Nasia: Can you guys please come into the living area, it's time for the nomination ceremony.
Everyone walks in and takes a seat.
Nasia: As the Head of the House this week it's my responsibility to nominate two people from the Vigilantes for elimination, when I say your name it means you're safe. Joey, you are safe.
Joey: Thanks Nasdick.
Nasia: Andrew, you are safe.
Andrew: Thanks Nasia.
Nasia: Mark, you are safe.
Tiffany DR: If this bitch goes back on her word, I swear...
Rae DR: I'm just praying to God that it goes my way...
Nadia DR: I didn't speak to Nasia and I'm really hoping that doesn't work for my disadvantage.
Nasia: Nadia, you are safe...
Nadia: Oh thank god, thanks Nasia.
Nasia: I'm sorry but Rae and Tiffany, I've nominated you for elimination, nothing personal, just gameplay.
Tiffany DR: I knew it, Nasia watch out.
Rae DR: Just gotta hope for the best now...oh god.
It's the day of the elimination ceremony and Andrew and Tiffany are seen laying down in the same bed.
Andrew: Boy am I glad I didn't stay on the couch.
Tiffany: Yeah, me too.
Andrew DR: Maybe I was wrong about showmances, Tiffany's a sweet, funny girl and I really do wanna see where this goes.
Tiffany: Oh shit! Elimination ceremony starts in like twenty minutes!
They both quickly get dressed and Tiffany quickly packs her suitcase and they run to the living area.
Kristen walks into the living area.
Kristen: Hello kids, today is your first elimination ceremony, Nasia has nominated Tiffany and Rae for elimination, and one of them will leave the house never to return in less than ten minutes. The two nominees cannot vote and Nasia you can only vote in the event of a tie, which is impossible to happen this week, so Nasia, you cannot vote either. Did we all get that?
Kristen: Shutup, I can get you off this show if I wanted to. Nadia, you are the first to vote please enter the Diary Room.
Nadia enters the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Nadia hasn't shown love for either of the nominees, who will she choose to stay?
Nadia: I vote to eliminate Rae.
Joey walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Joey has barely said anything this week, who will he choose?
Joey: I choose to eliminate Rae.
Ellie walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Ellie was fond of nominating Tiffany for elimination, but who will she choose?
Ellie: I vote to eliminate Tiffany.
Tyler walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Tyler was another silent one this week, who will he choose?
Tyler: I vote to eliminate Rae.
Shan walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Shan spoke about how she thought Rae should go home, will she stay true to her word?
Shan: I vote to eliminate Rae.
Andrew walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: After hooking up with Tiffany, it's obvious who Andrew's going to pick.
Andrew: I choose to eliminate Rae.
Mark walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Who's Mark?
Mark: Me bitch...and I vote to eliminate Rae.
Tom walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: Tom stated that it wasn't smart to put Rae up for elimination, but who will he choose?
Tom: I vote to eliminate Tiffany.
John walks into the Diary Room.
Kristen Narration: John has agreed with everything Tom has said, this should be no different.
John: I can hear you...
Kristen Narration: Bitch, just pick someone.
John: Fine, I eliminate Tiffany, happy?
Kristen Narration: Yes, very.
Kristen: The votes have been cast, and with a vote of 3-6, Rae you have been eliminated from the House in the Middle of Nowhere.
Rae gets up from her seat and begins hugging everyone.
Rae DR: It's been great, I just really wish I could take home that money, oh well, when every door closes, another opens up...
Kristen: And that's all for tonights episode, see you next week guys.